She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
