thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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