your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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