My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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