kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
