Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
