Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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