Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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