so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
