She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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