The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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