You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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