Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
