I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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