I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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