it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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