Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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