You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
