For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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