Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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