Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
