Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
