I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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