I am puke
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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