Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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