mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
