Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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