It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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