I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize