i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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