Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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