I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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