you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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