just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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