I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
