I murdered the dance floor call the cops
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
