Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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