I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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