Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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