the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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