Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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