i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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