just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lo siento on account of my penis...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
