I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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