I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
