i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
