for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
