I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
