Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she smelled like a LAN party
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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