I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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