So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
