At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sarcasm needs its own font
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wear drunk well.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
