he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
