Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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