it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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