she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
