I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
