did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
