covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize