i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
