Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
