"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
