Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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