no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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