Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
