I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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