Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
