WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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