doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
